dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize