I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
