he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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