there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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