My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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