i just sent this text using only my big toe
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
