the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
