Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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