If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
