remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
