totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
