This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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