But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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