Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
