Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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