my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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