she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
