I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
