Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
