walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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