Just fell off a train. Bad.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
