The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
