I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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