I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
