Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The power of my boobs compel you
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
