that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
