so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
