i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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