We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
bring money and cleavage
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
