this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i came on her dog
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
