You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
