You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize