God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
