Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize