I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
