Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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