you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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