that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
