Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
