Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I see more hoeing in ur future
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