the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
