Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
