didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
