Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
