Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's blow job season.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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