is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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