Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize