Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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