Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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