ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
