I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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