i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
operation have a gay friend backfired
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
