There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
