I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
