In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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