my sisters under your porch take her home
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
