SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
All the doctor said was why
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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