his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
