One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
