You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
