And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
