Your dad touched me again.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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