Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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