Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
