Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
