I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
