I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
