Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
