I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
