I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
