Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
