Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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