Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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