I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
