Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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