If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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