he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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