You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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