also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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