My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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