so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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