No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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