Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
