girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
